Thy Will Be Done My Way

(c) Staci Stallings, 2005

A good friend of mine was having a meltdown. The problem was she wanted a fellow traveler on life's journey to have the fabulous spiritual experience she'd had on retreat. Unfortunately she'd become convinced that her presence on the retreat team was making that impossible. Duty said she couldn't leave, but her heart said if she stayed, her friend would be so concerned about her being there that she wouldn't open up, that she would stay in fear and isolation, that her life changing experience would be forever ruined.

There was no doubt that my friend cared. Her caring was immensely evident. In fact, when I was informed of the dilemma as one of the retreat services began, she had already secluded herself from the group because she "just knew" she should leave. The tears were flowing. The regret and the guilt were overrunning the banks of her heart and her lashes. First I gave her a hug because I really hate it when Satan uses our best intentions to take a successful whack at our hearts. There are very few things that make me angrier to be honest. She needed a hug, so that was first.

Then gently I explained how Satan was using her best instincts against her, that what she wanted to happen-her friend to have the best retreat possible-was a noble goal. Unfortunately she had been conned into believing that she was who would determine whether or not this would happen. It was heart breaking to watch because she wanted so badly to do what was right, but what was right seemed to lead only to something wrong no matter which way she went.

It became clear as we whisper/talked that the trust she professed to have in God didn't make it all the way to what happens when He puts you in a place that isn't what you expected. I told her it was very possible that her friend needed her to be there, that she needed her presence in order to break through a barrier she wouldn't otherwise have had to face. It was also possible God had set up this very scenario in order to break my friend of the belief that everyone else's happiness, peace, and joy somehow hinged on something she did or didn't do. That seemed a new revelation. Her presence could be helpful-even if it didn't seem that way? Interesting. She might be learning something through this too? What a concept.

I looked at her and said, "It's like you're saying, 'Thy will be done, but it better be done my way.'" She laughed and through the tears she said, "That's a problem?"

Of course I got the joke. I got it because I've been there.

I first remember this lesson coming to me when the desire to publish first lit into my heart. I had by that time become an expert at putting the writing of the books into God's hands. Over and over again He had shown me to trust in His timing, in His way, in His love as I wrote. Pieces would fall into place that I hadn't seen, couldn't have known prior to the moment I most needed them. Words would just come to me, whole scenes, whole books that made sense in a way that I couldn't have planned to save my life flowed from my fingertips. The more I trusted, the better they got.

And then I published, trusting that He would make it the success it was destined to be. However, it quickly became clear that what I thought success would look like wasn't what He had in mind at all. I struggled against this, threw money at it, threw effort at it-all to no avail. Success didn't come any faster nor in any greater degree than it ever had.

In the writing I trusted Him, but when it came to marketing and promotion, it just wasn't progressing the way I thought it would. I often prayed, "Thy will be done..." But it was as if there were limits to what I wanted His will to be in charge of, and let me tell you, His will needed to look exactly like what I thought it would, otherwise that just wasn't good enough.

I don't remember the exact moment when it first occurred to me how ridiculous I was being. I just know I now can't believe how blind I was. I mean come on! Talk about "Thy will be done, but it better be done my way."

Thankfully I have learned to put both the process AND the results into His very capable hands. I've learned to see that His definition of success might at first seem very different than mine, but if I trust long enough, I eventually see that what He had in mind is infinitely better than what I had in mind. In fact, it's become abundantly clear to me how miserable I would have been had my will won out.

When you pray that line in the Our Father... "Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven" make sure you're not adding a silent "but it better be done my way" with how you're living your life. I guarantee if you are, no matter which "right road" you decide to travel, it will always turn out to be the wrong one. Thy will be done. Period. Plans, process, results, all of it. Forever.

That's success.

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