What Everyone Else Says

(c) Staci Stallings, 2004

Talk about confused, my friend was. She kept saying, "I just cry and say, 'Lord, please tell me what's the truth.'" Understanding her plight wasn't difficult. She was learning something new and needing for it to be right the first time. So she did what any sane person would do, she asked for help. Only the "help" sounded like this:

"You have to have a lot of details."

"You use too many details."

"I like this section."

(Same section) "This section needs a lot of work."

"I like this character."

(Same character) "I hate this character."

"You need a hook."

"Hooks are for the book, not the cover letter."

"You have to do this." "Don't ever do this."

In short, she was drowning in the sea of conflicting advice.

As we talked, she began to see the conflicting advice for what it was - other people's opinions. As my mom always said, "Give me your opinion. I want to hear it, but I don't have to take it."

My friend was heeding the opinions and trying to use all of them, and it was paralyzing her. It's a trap many of us fall into. Everyone has an opinion about how we should be living our lives. We should do this. We have to do this. We can't do that. And many times we get completely conflicting advice. We, too, can be drowning and wondering if there even is a "truth."

After about 15 minutes of hearing about how she didn't understand because all of these advice-givers were multi-published authors, and they should know the truth, in frustration I finally said, "Yes, but they are not God." That stopped her cold.

The truth is that there is no problem with asking for advice, but then you must make the decision for yourself. Some will agree with you. Some will not. But trying to please everybody will soon convince you that nothing you do is right. It will paralyze you, and that's exactly what Satan would love to do.

I suggested that she get quiet, breathe, and listen to what her heart was telling her to do. In all likelihood it won't look much like what the world says is "the only thing that will work" because God doesn't work the way the world does. In fact, His direction may sound absolutely crazy (Christ on the cross comes to mind). However, if you don't have Him guiding you, finding "the truth" is all-but impossible.

Five minutes after I got off the phone from our conversation, I got in my van to get my kids from school. Sean Hannity happened to be on the radio talking to a soldier who had been ridiculed by an anti-war protester.

Hannity said, (I paraphrase), "You can't live your life based on what everyone else thinks - especially if you are to take a real stand. If you make everyone else happy, you will be paralyzed because whatever you do will always be wrong. You have to figure out where you are and be there." After at least a three-minute speech, he took a breath and said, "Whew, I don't know where that came from. Why did I go into that?"

I laughed. It was a message to me verifying what I had just said sent from the Holy Spirit through Sean Hannity over the airwaves even though Sean had no idea that's why he said it. It's pretty cool how the Holy Spirit can get that stuff to work out.

As I told my friend, other people's advice is okay, but you should really be listening to God rather than listening to what everyone else says. If you do that, you will make good decisions for you, avoid mistakes, and quite possibly end up in a place far more wonderful than you had ever imagined existed. That's the way God works.

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