Free book from Homeward Bound

Here it is for all subscribers! To access your free book from Staci, just go to this URL:

http://www.stacistallings.com/PrincessPDF/PrincessPDF3.pdf

Please save this email as it is the only access path to the book. The book will be available until Dec. 15, 2006.

Enjoy!

Peace,

Staci Stallings

Yes, But...

(c) Staci Stallings 2004

Satan lies. He does. That's what he's good at. He doesn't want you to know the truth. He abhors the Truth, and so he lies. And lies and lies and lies. Some of his lies are directed personally at you. "You'll never make a difference anyway, why even try? You're not good enough. You're not pretty enough. You're not smart enough." All those lies are meant to keep you on the sidelines.

However, there is a more subtle type of lies that I call "collective lies." These are lies that are hard-wired into our culture. "Sex is the ultimate of everything, and it really doesn't matter whom you have to hurt to get it." "Money will automatically make you happy." "Life is a competition, and the only real way to get ahead is to climb over people." Collective lies are aimed at pitting us one against the other so that Satan does have to do anything. When we believe these lies, we do the destroying ourselves.

I am usually on the lookout for Satan's lies. Not that I go searching them out. They usually find me. But I am generally in-tune with what's really going on in many situations and how Satan is trying to sow trouble at every turn. Often, it's in the subtlest situations that he takes a real foothold in a life. For example, a couple gets into a serious conflict because something bad happened to one, and trying not to burden the other, they hold that secret on their heart.

Of course the other feels the secret even if they don't know it, and they begin lashing out in hurt because they don't understand what's really going on. Satan is playing both sides, and everyone is falling for the lies of "this is happening because" when neither party really knows enough information to understand what is truly going on. The collective non-communication lie is: "'I know what's going on' even when I truly don't and can't."

There is a collective lie that I recently uncovered that goes to the heart of this conflict. I call it, "Yes, but..." While discussing a good friend's life situation with my sister the other day, I said, "We all have hurts. We all have pain, and we all have the choice to give that pain to Christ or to hold onto it." To which my sister replied, "Yes, but how can you say that, because you've never lost a sibling like our friend has."

Instantly, although I'd heard similar statements a thousand times and never put it together, I realized how much of a lie that is. Very calmly I replied, "Yes, I have. I lost seven." My mother had seven miscarriages along the way.

That stopped my sister for a moment, and I said, "And you know I very well remember Dad sending me into the house when I was about five years old to check on Mom. She was lying in bed, and at the time I didn't really know what was going on. She didn't even know what was going on. But they had put her on a strong dose of drugs for the physical pain, and it had affected her emotionally. She was crying, and I mean to the point of hysteria. Here I was five years old, and I remember standing by that bed, and all I could do was to put my hand on her shoulder and rub it. That was it. I was helpless.

So yes, in a way I do understand that pain and confusion of losing a sibling-maybe not in the exact same way, but I do understand on some level."

In that moment I saw past the lie the real lie. By saying, "Yes, but..." Satan tricks us into believing two things: 1) we are all alone in our pain because no one could ever understand how much this hurts 2) we don't have to be compassionate with someone else because their pain is not as great as our own.

The reality, the Truth is that we all have pain. We have all experienced it. It may be disease, abuse, violence or alcohol. It may be poverty, helplessness, or hopelessness. It may be that someone or a bunch of someones picked on us in school or at work. It may be that Mom or Dad didn't like you, or liked sister or brother better. It may be that Mom or Dad had such high expectations that you could never reach them. It may be that things were going great and one day the world turned on end because we got sick or someone close to us got sick or someone close to us died. It may be any one of a million different things, but the pain is real because the pain isn't "out there"-it's personal.

All of our individual pains, though superficially different, are in substance the same. They hurt, and they make us have to choose between holding onto the pain and letting go and trusting God. Simple or as difficult as that. So the next time someone is trying to "out-do" your pain, or the next time you catch yourself trivializing someone else's pain (you know the old argument that the crucifixion wasn't as bad for Christ as it would've been for us because He was God and He knew what was coming), stop and realize that Satan is whispering that lie into your ear.

You can believe it if you want to-goodness knows a lot of people do. But you can also reject it, and be compassionate toward the person in front of you (or even toward yourself, with the "this hurts, but I'm being silly because someone over there had to deal with something really bad"). First, stop and hear the lie.

Understand it for the lie that it is. Realize that you don't know all there is to know about the situation and how far down this person's hurt goes, and then empower yourself that you can combat that lie with the Truth that we all have pain, and we can use it to be compassionate or to be competitive. Being compassionate when you understand this principle will let you look at yourself and others in a whole new light, and that's the Truth.

Thy Will Be Done My Way

(c) Staci Stallings, 2005

A good friend of mine was having a meltdown. The problem was she wanted a fellow traveler on life's journey to have the fabulous spiritual experience she'd had on retreat. Unfortunately she'd become convinced that her presence on the retreat team was making that impossible. Duty said she couldn't leave, but her heart said if she stayed, her friend would be so concerned about her being there that she wouldn't open up, that she would stay in fear and isolation, that her life changing experience would be forever ruined.

There was no doubt that my friend cared. Her caring was immensely evident. In fact, when I was informed of the dilemma as one of the retreat services began, she had already secluded herself from the group because she "just knew" she should leave. The tears were flowing. The regret and the guilt were overrunning the banks of her heart and her lashes. First I gave her a hug because I really hate it when Satan uses our best intentions to take a successful whack at our hearts. There are very few things that make me angrier to be honest. She needed a hug, so that was first.

Then gently I explained how Satan was using her best instincts against her, that what she wanted to happen-her friend to have the best retreat possible-was a noble goal. Unfortunately she had been conned into believing that she was who would determine whether or not this would happen. It was heart breaking to watch because she wanted so badly to do what was right, but what was right seemed to lead only to something wrong no matter which way she went.

It became clear as we whisper/talked that the trust she professed to have in God didn't make it all the way to what happens when He puts you in a place that isn't what you expected. I told her it was very possible that her friend needed her to be there, that she needed her presence in order to break through a barrier she wouldn't otherwise have had to face. It was also possible God had set up this very scenario in order to break my friend of the belief that everyone else's happiness, peace, and joy somehow hinged on something she did or didn't do. That seemed a new revelation. Her presence could be helpful-even if it didn't seem that way? Interesting. She might be learning something through this too? What a concept.

I looked at her and said, "It's like you're saying, 'Thy will be done, but it better be done my way.'" She laughed and through the tears she said, "That's a problem?"

Of course I got the joke. I got it because I've been there.

I first remember this lesson coming to me when the desire to publish first lit into my heart. I had by that time become an expert at putting the writing of the books into God's hands. Over and over again He had shown me to trust in His timing, in His way, in His love as I wrote. Pieces would fall into place that I hadn't seen, couldn't have known prior to the moment I most needed them. Words would just come to me, whole scenes, whole books that made sense in a way that I couldn't have planned to save my life flowed from my fingertips. The more I trusted, the better they got.

And then I published, trusting that He would make it the success it was destined to be. However, it quickly became clear that what I thought success would look like wasn't what He had in mind at all. I struggled against this, threw money at it, threw effort at it-all to no avail. Success didn't come any faster nor in any greater degree than it ever had.

In the writing I trusted Him, but when it came to marketing and promotion, it just wasn't progressing the way I thought it would. I often prayed, "Thy will be done..." But it was as if there were limits to what I wanted His will to be in charge of, and let me tell you, His will needed to look exactly like what I thought it would, otherwise that just wasn't good enough.

I don't remember the exact moment when it first occurred to me how ridiculous I was being. I just know I now can't believe how blind I was. I mean come on! Talk about "Thy will be done, but it better be done my way."

Thankfully I have learned to put both the process AND the results into His very capable hands. I've learned to see that His definition of success might at first seem very different than mine, but if I trust long enough, I eventually see that what He had in mind is infinitely better than what I had in mind. In fact, it's become abundantly clear to me how miserable I would have been had my will won out.

When you pray that line in the Our Father... "Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven" make sure you're not adding a silent "but it better be done my way" with how you're living your life. I guarantee if you are, no matter which "right road" you decide to travel, it will always turn out to be the wrong one. Thy will be done. Period. Plans, process, results, all of it. Forever.

That's success.

~*~*~
To request a reprint of any Homeward Bound article, simply send the request to staci_stallings @ hotmail.com (put the email address together).

Of Waterpots and New Wine

(c) Staci Stallings, 2006

And on the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; and Jesus was also invited, and His disciples, to the wedding. And when the wine gave out, the mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine." And Jesus said to her, "Woman, what do I have to do with you? My hour has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Whatever He says to you, do it." Now there were six stone waterpots set there for the Jewish custom of purification... John 2: 1-6

There is more of course, but for our purposes we will stop right there. You've probably heard this story more times than you can count. It is of course the story of Jesus' first miracle when He changed water into wine. And not just any wine, no, the best wine. That lesson is for another article, for now I want to focus on the final eleven words of this passage.

Specifically I want to ask you to reread the passage and look closely at what kind of pots they used. In my previous reading of this passage, I had always pictured... well, pitchers. Large earthenware vessels that look like modern day vases. You know the kind you would normally put wine into. But that's NOT what it says! NO. They put it in "stone waterpots set there for the Jewish custom of purification." In the Message Bible it says it this way... "six stone pots, used by the Jews for ritual washings..." Do you know what that means?

Very simply, those pots were used to enforce and carry out the rules, the law, the prescribed way of purifying yourself so you were clean enough to be presentable to society. Ritual washings were one of the biggest outward signs that someone was steeped in the rules of the Jews. There was a prescribed amount of time you had to wash, a prescribed amount of times you had to wash... And Jesus used those pots to do something totally new!

On top of that, the ritual washings were meant to show one's attempt to wash their sin away and thus be pure (If I wash myself enough, if I follow all of the rules, I shall be clean in the eyes of God). But the reality was, people were still dirty. Their bodies were dirty. Their hands were dirty. Their lives were dirty with sins they could not get rid of no matter how many times they washed themselves. And even when they washed, they got dirty again and thus had to wash again.

And Jesus (isn't He awesome?) used the pots that had been used to wash people, pots that symbolize us and our lives (dirty and nasty) to put drinking wine in. That is not just a little inconsequential detail! That's huge!
In fact, upon closer reading, it does not even say that Jesus first said, "Take those waterpots and wash them out, clean them out, and then fill them." No. He said, "Go and fill them." In all the times you have read and heard this passage, have you ever for a second pictured those servants as taking the time to go and wash out the pots on their own?

I haven't because prior to really reading this, I hadn't seen the need for them to. However, at the risk of your lunch, consider what they did. Guests had washed themselves in these pots. We don't know how many guests there were, but I have always pictured a rather large contingent of guests. At very least we know of fourteen, Jesus, the disciples, and Mary. At minimum, that's 28 hands, four for each pot, that have recently been washed in them. Now, Jesus says, "Go and fill those with water," and presumably without the benefit of Dawn Dishwashing Liquid, these pots were filled with water.

Then Jesus said, "Draw some out now, and take it to the headwaiter."

Something tells me, if I was one of those servants, I wouldn't have had the guts to tell the headwaiter what kind of receptacles that wine came from. Of course, we all know that the headwaiter proclaimed that this wine was the finest of wines.

So, consider that in one moment, Christ took us, these waterpots, empty yes, but permanently stained with the dirt of many hands. We had been steeped in the myth that our own actions could somehow wash us clean enough to gain entrance into Heaven. He took these empty, dirty, disgusting waterpots, and He poured Himself (His blood--water made wine) into us, and then he did something new! Not just new wine. The BEST wine! Not the rules. Not our sins. Him. And He is enough to make us THE BEST!

Believe me, I will never mistake those waterpots for pitchers again, nor will I so easily take for granted the mercy and grace He poured into me, dirty from within with no hope to ever get myself clean enough to earn anything. He did not require me to clean up before He washed me with Himself. He didn't look at me and say, "Ew, disgusting. Let's use something else."

Instead, He looked at me and saw not what I had done and what I was, He looked at what He could do. That's the new wine-what He can do in a life, and trust me, it's the best thing you've ever tasted, poor dirty waterpot that you were before He showed up.

*~*
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There's Gotta Be An Easier Way

(c) Staci Stallings, 2003

Have you ever had a dream that was so close you could nearly reach out and touch it? And yet every time you put your hand out, it turned out to be a mirage. You work and work. You put your all into making the dream come to fruition, but when you get to the place where you think you want to be, all you find is more work to do.

I see it with the two college students who work for me and are always hanging out at my house. It seems like they work and work, and yet graduation feels no closer. I see it in my carpenter husband. He stresses out when a job is finishing up because "what are we going to do next?" But he also stresses out when the job is going because "how are we going to get this all done?"

Now I see it in my own life. I set up meetings to talk with people about my books. The meetings always go well-some even go really well. But then, the sales don't come through like I thought they would (read: hoped they would). It's not that God's not on my side. I know for a fact He is because I've seen His hand at work in too many areas of my life to doubt it. Yet I'm still left wondering, why does it have to be this hard?

In thinking about this phenomenon, I suddenly realized that this very feeling is encapsulated in the scene at Gethsemane. Christ is kneeling, praying, and He says, "Father, if it's possible, let this cup pass Me by..." What He's really saying is, "God, listen, please, there's got to be an easier way." He knows what is coming. He knows to the bottom of His soul this is not going to be fun. In fact, I think He's not even totally sure He can pull it off.

Think about it. He's been asked, nae, sent, to save the whole world. That's not exactly a miniscule assignment. On top of that, He knows that in order to accomplish this, He will have to suffer and die-on a cross, beaten bloody, and humiliated. That's not exactly the most comforting thought in the world.

And so, He had to ask God one more time if this plan was really necessary. Apparently the answer was, "Yes, it's necessary." In my mind I can see Jesus say, "Well, okay then." He stands up and walks forward into His future.

Here's the thing though, while we're in "hard," it's tempting to give up. It's tempting to say, "This isn't worth it" and walk away from God's ultimate dream for us. But if we do... if we walk away because it's too hard... we will miss the glorious resurrection day. We will miss that day on which God takes our dream, molds it into His vision and releases it to the world in a burst of golden light.

Sure, it could be easier, but then the triumph of our Easter Sunday wouldn't be met with such rejoicing. And who knows, if we didn't go through our Good Friday, Easter might never come at all.

~*~*~*~
Do you love Staci's articles? Get 52 in "Reflections on Life." It makes a great birthday present, Christmas present, or just a pick-me-up for stress-filled day. Go to: http://www.lulu.com/spirit-light You'll feel better for the experience!

Prove It!

(c) Staci Stallings, 2002

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. -1 John 4:4

We all know the types, those people we encounter on a daily basis who feel they have to prove to everyone around them how important they are. They may be a boss, a co-worker, a spouse, a child, a friend, or just someone we happen to know. But whoever they may be, they have a way of getting under our skin with their constant need to make everyone else know they are not to be taken lightly.

I call this the "I-am-important-because..." syndrome. Now, of course, there are a myriad of ways to fill in the blank inherent in that statement. I am important because... I have money, I have power, I have the right car or the right clothes, I pay for dinners or gifts, my name is this, my skin color is that, I have x number of kids, or ex-husbands, or bank accounts, I am a banker, lawyer, teacher, businessman; I give to charity; I'm saved, I'm a (fill in the blank), Catholic, Church of Christ, Mormon, Baptist, Methodist, Pentecostal, etc. or I'm not a (fill in the blank), Catholic, Church of Christ, Mormon, Baptist, Methodist, Pentecostal, etc., I went to college, I have a house on the lake, and on and on and on...

Look closely, and you will see that all of these statements have one thing in common: they are all designed to separate the speaker from the listener. They are designed to divide. Division is the goal of the ego. It says, "For me to have worth, I must diminish your worth." To me, there is no greater destructive force on earth than this mentality, and yet it runs rampant in our society.

In contemplating the storyline of a book that I wrote and trying to find ways to describe the undercurrents that run through the book, I realized that this is exactly what the characters are doing. The two main characters, Jaxton and Ami, are in an all-out battle with themselves to prove that they are in fact worth something to themselves, their families, and to the world. Because of this, even small tasks that they undertake become massive struggles.

One character, Jaxton, follows the "I am important because I have power" line of thinking. He uses that power to walk over people repeatedly. Truth be told, he himself has been walked over and dismissed by his own family, and he is desperate to prove to his ego that he is worth something.

Ami, on the other hand, is a young woman reaching for a dream that she knows will never come true and thus will only prove once and for all that she is exactly what she feels she is in her heart: a failure. Against the persistent drag of the rational side of her ego, she works determinedly to the point of exhaustion trying to prove that her dreams matter, that she deserves to be successful, that she can make something work. The only problem is, she doesn't really believe this although she does her very best to prove to everyone around her that it is in fact the truth.

There is a counter-point character to these two, Jaxton's grandfather. Once I started thinking about him, the answer of why he was so different stood out clearly. He doesn't answer, "I am important because..." Instead, he has come to the realization that, "I am important." (Period.) And his actions are a consequence of that thinking (not the means to prove it).

He is generous not to prove how wonderful he is but because it's a natural outgrowth of the fact that he wants to share what he has with others. He is helpful and kind not so that others will be impressed but because that is what's in his heart, and there is a big difference.

When I was a teacher, there were always students who were less than respectful to the faculty and administration. I would see my fellow teachers go into fits of rage that these students would not give them the respect they deserved. To be honest, these students rarely bothered me. Why? Because my worth was not tied up in what they thought of me. I knew that as a child of the Most High God, I had worth, and I was important--regardless of what they thought.

We are not trying to please people, but God... --1 Thessalonians 2:4

The other side of this coin is that I did not have to prove my worth to anyone. I wasn't on a power trip like some of my fellow teachers. I didn't have to run a student down to make myself feel better. I didn't have to control students to prove I was a great teacher. I was there to help a student begin where they were and reach for the highest accomplishments they could achieve.

That mentality made me a successful teacher, but now I realize how it works in my life every day even now that I am no longer in the classroom. My marriage is stronger because of it, and it is only when I delve into trying to prove how "important I am" that life goes off track. In my business, my employees don't have to tiptoe around wondering if they are going to hurt my feelings or provoke me because my feelings and moods are not based on external influences. They are based on the fact that God thinks I'm all right, and I don't have to prove that to anyone else.

My son, with humility have self-esteem; prize yourself as you deserve. Who will acquit him who condemns himself? Who will honor him who discredits himself?
--10 Sirach 26-27

So, I challenge you to look around your life. In what areas are you fighting to prove you are worth it? And who around you is doing the same thing? For both sides, there's a simple answer to get out of the cycle of division and destruction. It is this: I am important, and so are you. Period. Work toward that, and you will be amazed at the peace that will befall the world you live.

*~*~*~*
Want to meet Ami and Jaxton? Check out Staci's "The Long Way Home" at: http://www.stacistallings.com/bookshelf.htm

Peace and Grace to all! May God bless you now and always. Staci

It's Not Up to You

(c) Staci Stallings

The ego in us tells us that we have to do it-whatever "it" happens to be. It may be working or finding work, or studying or practicing, or learning an instrument or learning anything. "It" could be a lot of things, but the biggest lie in this life is that "it" is up to us to do.

In the book "Grace Rules" by Steve McVey, Mr. McVey leads with an interesting scenario of Jesus waking up in the morning and deciding what He was going to do for God today. In the story, Jesus decides that it would be a good thing to do a few miracles because that would get some attention, and casting out some demons might also be a good attention getter. The essence of what Mr. McVey was trying to say is that if we look to Jesus for our example, then our "planning" our day is completely ridiculous.

After reading Mr. McVey's first book "Grace Walk," I realized I'd been doing exactly that. I had yellow notebooks filled with to-do lists. As I looked back on them, they were always the same thing with only a few variations. Pay bills, write article, work on website, etc. Over and over until you would've thought I had it memorized. There were also things on those lists that I didn't get to, things that had never been crossed out.

I told a friend of mine after seeing what I had been doing that I now understood why I was always so frustrated. If I put ten things on the list in the morning, inevitably by two, there were five more things to add. By the time I quit at six, I had added another six or eight things. So in addition to not getting all of the things I had written down at the first of the day done, now I had 14 more things to do. And it was like I was on a squirrel wheel going round and round and round. Sure I had good intentions of doing what I was doing for God. I even put things in His hands when they seemed overwhelming, but it never occurred to me to put the whole day in His hands and let Him decide what we were going to do.

The first day I did that was the most empowering day of my life. For years I had worked to position myself as someone who could help other authors with marketing. It never worked. It was as if no one else cared about marketing, which of course is completely ridiculous, but that's the way it felt.

Then that day, I let go and let God. In the course of about five hours suddenly people were asking my opinion on these matters from so many different directions I could hardly keep up, but of course, I didn't have to. During that day my email program totally shut down twice. Most days I would've been freaking out. That day, I said, "Okay, God, then what am I supposed to do?"

Instantly a thought would come to me. That day-in one day-I helped four different people with their marketing, replied to every email that came my way, exercised, vacuumed my kitchen, sent in my tax information, wrote letters and got them mailed, played with my kids in the backyard, sent my newsletter out, read for 30 minutes, listened to a tape, took my kids to school, went and picked them up from school... It was as if I would think of it, and it would do itself.

And the cool thing is, it continues to be that way. I've been "redirected" many times. In fact this article is a redirect because what I was going to work on, I couldn't find. So let God decide your "it," and let Him decide when and how that will look. In short, let Him do it through you. You will be amazed.

*~*~*~*
Reprints of any and all Homeward Bound articles are available. Just email Staci at: staci_stallings @ hotmail.com (Put the address together!). Peace to all, Staci.

The Rules

(c) Staci Stallings

There are at least two versions of the Ten Commandments. Did you know that? There is a Protestant version and a Catholic version. I didn't know that until about two years ago while watching a video for kids on the Ten Commandments, I suddenly noticed their numbers were off. Five was suddenly something I didn't recognize. Oh, no wait. I did recognize it, but it wasn't five. Of course, I thought they'd made a mistake. I mean it took me a long time to memorize those commandments in order, so if I was right, then they had to be wrong. Right?

It now amazes me how focused on the rules we as Christians are. We learn them, teach them, memorize them, and then proceed to use them to bop each other over the head with them.

While shopping at a Christian bookstore this afternoon, my ears suddenly caught on an angry voice at the main counter. As I listened, it became very clear this gentleman had found something wrong in the store because he was demanding that they take the offending item off the shelf. The manager calmly explained that first he didn't have the power to do that and secondly the item was based on a certain version of the Bible.

Now, I'll admit I'm not a Biblical scholar. I know the Catholic version adds like five books toward the beginning, but other than that, if I simply picked a version off the shelf, I couldn't tell you what version it was. So, the two men proceeded over to the Bible shelves, which happened to be right next to where I was shopping.

Having gone through this fruitless exercise myself, I knew what they would find. There are no numbers to the commandments as listed in the Bible. Sure enough, the man said, "Well, all the words are there, but they combined this first one and then chopped the last one into two. That's not right. I want to talk to the store owner."

The manager had no choice. He got the store owner. In minutes they were back. The store owner said that the salesman she had purchased the posters from had explained that the poster he now held was the Catholic version of the Commandments. Well, that was just ridiculous. The Commandments were the Commandments. They don't change. Do they?

I seriously considered stepping in but decided against it. I'm sure you're asking, "Why? You should step in and defend your faith." Ah, but I wouldn't have been defending my faith. I would've been defending my religion. And the difference is gaping.

You see, my faith is that I believe God is right in my heart every minute of every day. My faith says His Spirit guides my every step. My faith says He loves me no matter what, and I am only to follow His voice and let Him lead. My religion says the Commandments are supposed to be numbered a certain way. My religion says this is the code you must follow to be considered a member of this religion.

There was a time when my religion was more important to me than my faith because I really didn't understand the difference. Now I do. So, to me, it really doesn't matter what order we put the rules in. What matters is how we are living our lives every moment of every day. The very real question you have to ponder is this: Is my faith about the order of the rules, or is it about God? Once we get that in order, we can stop arguing about what Number Five is because it won't matter anymore anyway. But it is interesting how indignant we become when somebody goes changing the rules we've learned on us. I mean, goodness, when you're living by the rules, it's hard enough to get it right even when they don't change!

*~*~*~*~*

When was the last time you visited Staci's website? It's chocked full of interesting and valuable insight. Check it out today! http://www.stacistallings.com You'll feel better for the experience!

Perfection-The Lie That Binds

(c) Staci Stallings

I don't care who you are, you know that perfection stinks. If you are a perfectionist, you know as well as I do that no matter how hard you try, nothing is ever right enough. If you get within two feet of perfection in one area, there are three more areas on the other side of the room to show you how imperfect you really are. Maybe, however, you are on the other side of that sword. Maybe you know someone who is perfect (not really, but they sure put on a good show). Of course, when you are around them, you can't help but feel less than no matter what you do.

Perfection is a piece of baggage I carried for a long time. It was heavy, and it was bulky. No matter what I did, how successful I was, I still heard Satan whispering, "Yes, but it isn't perfect." Of course, it wasn't perfect. God didn't make us perfect. If He had, there would've been no need for the cross and Calvary. In fact, I think that even Adam and Eve weren't perfect. I think even they had flaws, but before the fall, they also had something else-a deep understanding that God loved them just as they were no matter what.

I think that is one of the heaviest bags a perfectionist carries-the belief that no one could really love them if they aren't perfect. They spend their lives with their spirits in chains because of this. They hold onto the core belief that even God could not love someone so flawed. With this belief dogging their heels, they do their absolute level best to convince the world that they have no flaws.

Floors? They are spotless. Kids? They don't make mistakes. Dress? Ironed, pressed, creased. Life? In hand down to the last minute. They have no worries, no fears, no problems.

In truth, fear is what drives their lives. Fear makes every decision, says every word, dictates every action.

That's what non-perfectionists looking in do not see. They do not see the fear, and so they assume there isn't any. They assume that there must be something wrong with them because they do feel fear. They assume that somehow they are less than because they can't be perfect like X.

Lies. It's all lies. Hideous, odious, spirit-crushing lies all around.

Dragging perfection through life is a cross that keeps getting heavier and heavier because the perfectionist can never be real. They can never let others see the truth because they know their perfection is a lie. So on top of perfection, the lies start building. To those looking on, these lies only exacerbate the guilt they feel, and so the lies add weight after weight to them as well.

There is a way to break through these lies, but it's not easy. It takes the perfectionist admitting first to him or herself and then to others that they are not perfect. It is letting others see that their house isn't always in perfect order, that sometimes they are unorganized, that they have fears and worries just like everyone else. For those looking on, this requires being a soft place to fall, reiterating to the perfectionist that they are loved no matter what.

Either one can start the process but it takes both to make it come full circle. The perfectionist must admit they are not perfect, and the others must admit that's okay. It's worth the work if you can ever get past the fear of jumping into real and leaving the fiction of perfection behind.

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Expendable

(c) Staci Stallings

God did not make Hell. Satan did. Just as God did not choose the crime and violence in our world, we did, so the fact that there is a Hell doesn't mean God's the one who made it.

Like us, Satan was created to be creative, and he certainly is that. God is love. God is open and loving. God never had in mind anything but love. However, Satan decided that love was not enough. It was not enough to be in heaven with God. He wanted more, and he was going to get more. He wanted to be the ruler of his own world. He wanted to be in control. He wanted to be the Prince of something even if that something was Darkness. That way everyone would know how wonderful he is.

I've always said that real cool doesn't have to try to be cool, nor does it have to convince anybody that it is cool. Cool is just cool. That's God. He just is. He doesn't have to "try" to be awesome. He just is awesome, and that drives Satan completely crazy with jealousy.

So Satan's goal is to convince us that God wants nothing more than to throw us into the pit of fire forever because we haven't lived up to God's expectations of us. This of course is ridiculous. God loves us so much He sent His only Son to suffer the pain of our sins in our place so that we could live with Him for eternity. I don't know about you, but I can't think of a better example of love. And yet, Satan would like nothing more than to convince us that God's sword of wrath and justice are hanging over our heads every moment as He waits for us to make a mistake, so He can gleefully banish us forever.

The truth is that's Satan's M.O. not God's. Just like so many other things that Satan tells us, this is a lie. You see, where God is love; Satan is leering jealousy and malevolence. He doesn't only want to see us fall, he wants to see us fall hard. The harder we fall, the more pleasure he takes in it. Our downfall is his warped idea of victory. And as it is with Satan, so it is with the world.

If you let it and you don't know this secret, the world will build you up, make you believe it loves you just so it's more fun to watch you fall. One of the most deeply held secrets of Satan is that he believes we are all expendable. At this moment we may be on top of the world. We may be at the top of the ladder, but the reality is that in some tomorrow to come, it will be gone for us, and Satan will not bat an eyelash as we dissolve into tears of disappointment, defeat, and despair because the world no longer assures us that we're great or that we're even needed any more.

Look around. You can see it in the downsizing phenomenon and the outsourcing trends. Workers are no longer people. They are numbers, and when the numbers don't add up, you're gone. There are those who will tell you that as they get older, it is more difficult to keep the job they've had. Why? Because to the world, they are expendable. When they get too old, it is time to move on to someone with more years of usefulness to exploit.

In our culture today, everyone seems to be expendable. Husbands. Wives. Families. Children. Workers. Bosses. Even friends. Notice the divorce rate, the growing number of broken homes, the anxiety over job security. If you fail, if you are ever seen to be human, you are at risk because to the world, you are expendable.

Oh, its true that the world will act like it likes you when you are "hot." Like when you land that incredible job with the big, fat pay raise. The world will court you like a smitten suitor. It will act like you are the most wonderful thing ever to occupy space under the ozone layer until the moment you are no longer useful, and then it will be as if it never so much as heard of your name.

Years ago, I taught high school for three years. During that time I did my level best to give everything to the school. I showed up early. I went home late. I taught six different classes, ran the newspaper and the yearbook, helped with student council, and the drama club. When I discussed my departure with the principal due to pregnancy, she said she hated to see me go and that she wished I could stay. She didn't know how she could ever replace me.

I had done a lot for that school One of the things I did was update the senior plaques for the two years prior to my arrival and the three years I was there. The next year I walked into that hallway again, and you know what? Life had gone on without me. There was a new plaque of the new seniors-one that had been done without me. Four years later only two of the office staff even remembered who I was. That's not bad. It's just the way it is.

To the world, you are expendable, but to God you are simply irreplaceable. He wants us with Him more than anything in the world. He loves us beyond all telling. And yet, we spend all our time striving to convince the world that we are what they need, that we are worth their love, that our place can never be taken by anybody else. We twist ourselves into pretzels trying to make them love us when the reality is-they will NEVER love us. The love of the world is hollow and empty. And the world knows that truth better than you do. The world knows you are expendable. More than that, the world believes you are expendable. To them, you are.

So the question becomes are you spending your time fighting to make the world love you, or are you using your time to get better acquainted with the One who already loves you? It's worth considering.

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